Blogmas #20: The Nativity of Christmas Yet To Come

Hello! I am typing this after having been struck by tinselitis (most likely a cold but it did suspiciously start after we covered the house in tonnes of tinsel the other day, but tinselitis sounds more festive??). Anyway, I’m not quite with it so this could turn out very…interestingly? I’m going to rewrite the Nativity story in the name of Blogmas and put my own spin on it.

The Nativity of Christmas Yet To Come

Bleeep bleep bloop. “Moon to Space Lodge 3000, moon to Space Lodge 3000, do you have a room to spare for the night? My wife saw a shooting star last night and now she’s convinced she’s going to have a child?”

“Blip blip bleeep,” a green and purple spotted creature gurgled done the high-tech futuristic phone me that I can’t be bothered to name. 

“Oh, there’s no room?” The astronaut sighed. “This is the fifth space station I’ve tried now, we don’t have time to travel to the next galaxy!”

“Blip bleeep blip.” The alien replied.

“What was that? You have a crater to spare?” The astronaut took a moment to think, it was their last option, they had to take it. 

And with that, the astronaut and his wife hopped along the moon to find a small, dusty indent with a purple and green flag sticking out of it reading “Space Lodge 3000, over flow carpark”, which they presumed must be the crater the alien was talking about. 

As they made themselves at home in the crater, all sort of multicoloured, long-legged aliens crept over the horizon towards them. 

“Bleep blip blip,” one of them said, heading towards the confused couple.

“You have gifts for us?” The astronaut translated. “For the child?”.

“Bleeep”, the alien moved it’s hands forward and the astronauts could see that it was holding a lump of snoldering asteroid. Two others presented themselves each carrying a lump of moon rock and some space dust.

“Ermm, thanks, I guess,” the astronaut said, accepting the gifts and putting them down beside them. The gaggle of aliens took this as a sign of acceptance and crowded into the crater. Before long, the astronaut and his wife found themselves squished in between a variety of strange creatures, all sitting patiently and waiting.

The astronauts, and the aliens, sat all night, waiting for something to happen. Stars twinkled in galaxies far away, but there was no sign of a child being born. 

Many lightyears later, a bright white light filled the sky and the astronauts wife shrieked that it was the same shooting star that had appeared to her previously.  She stood up expectantly waiting for what it had to say, except she forgot about the lack of gravity and began to float away a bit.

“Terribly sorry to bother you,” the star began saying in an eerie, echoing voice. “It seems that my sat nav malfunctioned. You see, I was meant to take a left turn but took a right by accident and bumped into you. You’re not going to have a child, my mistake.”

The astronaut looked even more confused than he had done the whole time, and his wife was puzzled too. 

“I’ll be going now.” The star said, and just as suddenly as it had appeared, it flew out of sight. 

The alien creatures made a few bleeping noises, and then they started to depart too. The astronaut and his wife were left alone in the crater, confused as ever, and decided they would travel over to Mars, they’d never had any problems with strange folk there, and the exchange rate was a lot better, so that’s what they did.

The end.

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